My wonderful husband recently had to go overseas for a nine-day training workshop. Thankfully I had some help during that time - a friend came to stay for two nights and then my mother came for the remainder. However, despite having some extra pairs of hands to help with washing up and to entertain Sophie, Charis and Nathaniel while I was in the shower or needing to pop out for groceries, I still felt absolutely exhausted by the end of the nine days. I realised that it's not just the physical tiredness (taking on extra chores that my helpful husband usually does) but it's also the emotional tiredness of being the sole responsible parent for an extended period of time.
Afterwards, when I'd had some time to reflect on this and other times when I've been looking after the children on my own for several days at a time, I put together some tips for coping in these situations - partly for myself, but also in case they're useful for anyone else reading this post. So, here we go.....
1) Before your husband leaves, make sure you're stocked up on groceries and petrol for the time ahead, as much as possible. Have meal plans and a rough schedule prepared.
2) Enlist the children's help early on. Explain how Daddy being away means you'll have extra chores, and that you'll be needing their help and support over the next few days. Try to foster a team spirit - "We're all going to pitch in and help each other through this!"
3) Don't plan to do too much! I often fall into the trap of making great plans for things I will be doing while my husband's away. It's true that there is one less person around to feed and clean up after, and those first couple of evenings may seem like you have more time than usual on your hands, but it's not long before the tiredness kicks in. Pace yourself. This is a time to shorten your to-do list, not lengthen it.
4) Watch out for temptation! For some reason, not having my husband around to keep me accountable means that I soon fall into the trap of staying up too late watching mindless TV shows, or reaching for those comfort foods that I wouldn't normally consider part of my healthy eating plan. Before I know it, it's midnight, I have a half-finished box of chocolates in front of me, I wonder if I really needed to stay to the end of that not-very-good film that I've already seen before, actually, and I start to panic about being the only parent around to respond to the early morning calls of children beginning to wake up. Late nights eventually have a tendency to replace early morning Bible reading and prayer times, which are actually even more essential during this time.
5) Get more sleep! Not only do you need more sleep during this time, but it's tempting to actually get less sleep because of the above two points. Try to go to bed half an hour earlier than you usually would.
6) Simplify where possible. Don't be afraid to cook simpler meals, including ready-made meals. This is not the time to be worrying about the kids' nutritional needs! Haven't got time for your usual 30-minute workout? Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't have the energy to bath the kids as often, iron their clothes or clean the house quite so thoroughly? It really doesn't matter. And it's OK to put the kids in front of the TV for an extra hour than usual :-) Do what you need to do to survive.
7) Pray more! The one thing not to simplify or give up on is your reliance on God and His strength. You might not be able to have as long a quiet time in the morning, but see if you can pray more during the day as you're going along. You're going to need to rely on His help more than usual.
8) Try to get out of the house more. Stress levels can rise if cabin fever sets in. Getting out for some fresh air, whether it's to the local playground, or for a walk in the local park, or even just down to the local library or to have a play date with some friends, can really help lift your mood. It helps the time go faster, and also helps to wear out the kids, especially if they're able to run around. Tired kids means earlier bedtimes :-) It also helps you to get in some healthy adult conversation and interaction with other grown-ups, which may be somewhat lacking. However, keep it simple. This is not the time for long day trips which involve long car journeys, missed naps and ultimately results in cranky kids and one frustrated, grumpy mum.
9) Don't be afraid to ask for help! Don't try to be supermum. Accept offers of help from friends and grandparents, as long as it doesn't actually cause you more work in the long run. If someone is able to watch your kids for an hour or two while you can get out of the house on your own and recharge your batteries, then that can be really beneficial both for you and the kids.
10) Finally, prepare the kids for Daddy's return. This is something you can all look forward to! Make cards and welcome home posters, go and pick him up from the bus station or wait eagerly at the door for his return. Have some nice food or even homemade cakes waiting for him. Let your kids know how important Daddy is to you and the family. However, you might want to give him some time to recover from the trip before you hand him the nappy bag and walk out of the house on a bee-line to the nearest coffee shop :-)
Qu: Does your husband often need to go away for extended periods of time? What other tips do you have for coping while he's away?
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My husband travels a whole lot for work. He actually used to be gone more than he was home, but that has begun to change. He's getting ready to leave on a 5 day trip, so this post really caught my eye. I've been taking care of the kids off and on by myself for 4 years now, and I agree with everything you wrote. I would also add that if you are homeschooling, this is not the time to add a bunch of projects or complicated studies. Keep it simple. Maybe add some videos to supplement your studies instead. Also, I always try to get laundry caught up, and stock up on paper products before he leaves. We live away from family and friends, so we go it alone, and I do everything I can to make it easier. Oh, and the kids each take a turn sleeping with mom while dad's away, which is a fun treat for them, to keep their spirits up.
ReplyDeleteHi Tasha! Great advice. Yes, I find we drop down to the bare minimum in our homeschooling :-) I'm sorry your husband has to travel so much, that must be hard. I pray the 5 days go well and smoothly for you.
DeleteExcellent tips!! When my husband is out of town (a very rare occurrence) I work to simplify EVERYTHING I do so I can enjoy my children rather than get stressed out by working, working, working. Your 10 tips are perfect to keep things simple! Thanks for posting on Time Warp Wife today.
ReplyDeleteHi Kate,
DeleteThanks for visiting! You're right - often we get so caught up in things that need to be done that we forget to enjoy our children, and that's even in the times that Hubbie is at home :-)
My husband travels a lot, so this post caught my eye over at the Better Mom linkup. I agree with all of them wholeheartedly, especially number 4! It's funny how I too often find myself staying up late when he's gone (I think because I'm not eager to go sleep in that empty bed!), but it's during these times that I NEED to be prepared and rested come morning. Kind of ironic! Anyway, great post, and now I'm off to check out more!
ReplyDeleteHi Erica, Yes, I know, I do it every time, even though I should know better by now :-)Thanks for stopping by.
DeleteWhen my husband was in the State Senate, he was away a lot. Now it's only a rare occasion, and when he is gone I try to accomplish all the things I can't seem to get done when he is home!
ReplyDeleteYes, in some ways life becomes a bit more simplified when our husbands are away :-) I'm glad though that you get to see your husband a bit more often than you used to.
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