Life Amongst the Mess and Chaos

Things have been a bit quiet on Grace to Abide this year. After a brief burst of enthusiasm around Christmas, life just continued to be too demanding and messy for me to get my creative juices flowing again and find the time to keep up with my blog.

What's been going on for us this year? Well, at the start of April this happened:

Then just two days later, this happened:

Yes, after months of chasing after mortgages (which never materialised), getting finances together and viewing over 20 properties with a bored pre-schooler in tow, we finally found our future home. It's a perfect fit for our family, and such a clear answer to prayer in many ways - ticking so many boxes. We feel very blessed and I can't wait to move in and finally unpack those bags which....yes really...have been sitting there for over a whole year. Not to mention the bags that have been stored in other people's attics for over ten years!


Of course, just to make things even more stressful, we decided to have a new baby at the exact same time.....crazy I know! After a couple of sad miscarriages in recent years, we were so happy to welcome baby Joy into our family - our fourth and, I've decided after experiencing a truly horrible pregnancy in which I was sick for the entire 9 months, definitely (hopefully) our last! We are so grateful to God for this beautiful, healthy baby girl, and are loving being a family of six.

And so now, I'm living in the crazy interim period of choosing paint colours, carpets, furniture and appliances for our new house whilst at the same time caring for a newborn and trying to keep my other three kids fed, dressed and arriving at school with all the necessary equipment on next-to-no sleep. We're still in our temporary, rented accommodation while Hubbie is overseeing the necessary remodelling which needs to be done on the new house, but we hope to be able to move in about three weeks' time (fingers crossed, touch wood, and all other manner of superstitious mumbo-jumbo).

So as I look back over this last, rather difficult year, I can see God teaching me lessons of patience and contentment in less-than-ideal circumstances. Perhaps the biggest lesson for this control-loving, home proud perfectionist has been to learn to live surrounded by boxes, piles of 'stuff', and the general clutter that comes from living in a house that is not your own but which already has loads of clutter from previous occupants. I hope I've become more 'chilled' and laid-back as a result, but that doesn't stop me dreaming of perfectly aligned mason jars on my kitchen shelves and IKEA storage units.


Abide in Him!

Are you new to Grace to Abide? Keep updated with each new post via email, facebook or twitter.

Making the Most of the Holiday Season

It happened a few days ago. It was a strange feeling, a little unexpected but not unwelcome. My husband doesn't feel the same way, and thinks it's too early, but the kids have been feeling this for some time now. What happened? I started getting excited about Christmas!

Back in October I was following Cheri Gregory's 'A Holiday-Ready Heart'. I love her witty but poignant way of writing, and would recommend you have a look at her posts for the 31-day challenge over at The PURSEonality Challenge Blog. However, because we don't celebrate Thanksgiving (being British) the holidays seemed like a long way away back then.

Then came an invitation to celebrate Thanksgiving with some American friends, and I started thinking about what we could do to embrace the meaning of this celebration with our own children. I settled on Ann Voskamp's Thanksgiving Tree idea (you'll have to skim down to her entry for Nov 7th). Our leaves are all cut out and ready for writing on tomorrow!

And I guess once I'd decided to do that, I started remembering all the fun crafts we would be doing in December to prepare for Christmas, and that was it. I'm now thinking about where to put all the decorations this year whilst unconsciously humming 'Hark the Herald Angels' to myself.

If any of you are like us and live overseas then you've probably had to send out your 'Christmas present request list' to your families back home already. And if you're anything like us then you're resigned to the fact that most of these precious parcels will arrive in January or February anyway! Once a Christmas parcel arrived in sweltering hot June, containing a hand-knitted woolly sweater from Grandma. I put it on the baby, took a quick photo, and promptly took it off again!

So as we start getting excited about Christmas with our families, here are some things that I'm finding helpful and inspiring:

• A good place to start, if you're a perfectionist like me, is with a Christmas planner. There are some good ideas over at 'Christmas Your Way'.
• I'm really looking forward to doing Truth in the Tinsel again! It's a fun way to talk with your children about the meaning of Christmas whilst doing some simple crafts. I highly recommend buying the ebook if you haven't got it already. I've found it a good alternative to the more widely known 'Jesse Tree' idea, which just seemed a bit too much for my preschoolers.
• We're also looking forward to making our advent wreath again and lighting a candle every Sunday whilst reading some Scripture as a family together. There are different ways of doing this, but here's one link that explains what the wreath is. The first Sunday of Advent is the 2nd of December, so we need to have our wreath ready by then.
• Christmas music of course is a must! We have a CD of children's Christmas songs, and a more classical 'Carols from King's College, Cambridge' which we love. This year I'm looking forward to buying Kari Jobe's Bethlehem album.  I bought her two other albums while we were in England earlier this year, and I just love her voice, her lyrics and her music!
• Finally, I'm looking forward to joining in with the Christmas Bible study over at Good Morning Girls to prepare my own heart for the Christmas season. It starts on 26th November, so go and get subcribed if you haven't already!

Qu: What special things are you planning to do with your family this Christmas?

Qu: What special family traditions do you have around this upcoming holiday season?

Qu: How do you manage to keep Christmas meaningful amidst all the stress and commercialism?

I'd love to hear what helps and inspires you!

Abide in Him!

Linking up here:



Photo Credit:
small candle - freedigitalphotos.net/ graur razuan ionut
star ornament - freedigitalphotos.net/ suat eman

The Memory Keeper

A while ago I was writing a personal mission statement and thinking about all the different roles I have, homeschooler being just one of them! Under the family section I wrote "Keeper of Family Memories".

What do I mean by that? Well, when Sophie was first born, I received all the usual advice about "Make the most of these early years because they grow up so fast", and I believed it. I want to record these precious events and milestones in my children's lives. I want to be able to remember, and I want them to have the opportunity to remember too.

Here are some ideas I've thought of so far about how I can fulfill my role as "The Memory Keeper":

1. Take Photos. I don't think any new parent needs to be reminded to take photos of their first child, but somehow life gets pretty busy by the time the second and third child arrive, and we don't seem to have our finger poised on that camera button quite so often. I don't want my younger children to think that I love them any less. My children just love to scroll through old family photos on the computer.

2. Take Film Clips. Since all of our children have spent most of their lives in Russia, we used to take lots of video footage, put it together onto tapes and post them to the grandparents back in England. Recently we've been taking shorter clips on our digital camera and uploading them to the internet or just storing them on the hard drive. The children love to see themselves on film! I grew up in the age before video cameras, and I often think how wonderful it is that children get the chance to see footage of themselves when they were little.

3. Make Baby Books. My mother managed to complete a record of my first year growing up, but for whatever reason my younger brother's baby book only goes up to 7 months. I don't think he's particularly bothered by that, but anyway I gave myself the goal of making a full 1-year record for each child. With all our travelling this has meant having to think ahead a bit. When Nathaniel was born I wrote down all the details of his birth, kept his hosptial tags and ultrasound pictures and a few of the Congratulations cards. I got all four grandparents to write a little letter to him, and my husband and I did the same. Back in Russia I made sure I kept writing up all his milestones each month and taking regular photos. He's now 2 1/2, but I've just completed his baby book, documenting the whole of his first year.

4. Keep Records. With each child I've continued keeping a record of their development even beyond their first year. About every 6 months or so I'll open the Word document and just add another paragraph about things they can now do, favourite toys/food/friends, funny things they've said or done, places they've been etc. I'm hoping to prepare a scrapbook for each child when they leave home just looking back over their life so far from year to year. I'm guessing this will be important for our TCKs (Third Culture Kids) to help them feel more connected despite all the moving and goodbyes that are just part of their life.

5. Scrapbooking with the Kids. It was recommended to us for our home assignment to make a scrapbook with the children of our time back in England, the people we've met, the places we've been to, where we've been living and so on. Sophie has already said how she really wants to show it to her Russian friends when she gets back to help them understand what she's been doing. We haven't actually started it yet, but I've been saving tickets and leaflets and trying to take photos of each family we spend time with. This also works the other way. At a recent conference, one of the British children had a lovely scrapbook of what his life had been like in Japan. I'm sure it was really helpful for him to be able to show others his school and his Japanese friends so that we could better understand what life had been like for him there.

6. Guestbooks. When we were married we asked someone to give us a guest book as a present. At first we would get overnight guests to sign it and leave a little comment. After a while we realised that it would be great to get dinner guests to do the same, partly since there was no way we were going to fill the book with just overnight guests alone, and partly because we wanted to remember the many friends and strangers from all sorts of different countries that have come to our house for a meal . Our little ex-pat community in Russia is constantly changing, and it's lovely to have a little record of each one of these families that we've been friends with, as well as all our local friends.

7. Grandparent Books. My Granny suffered from Alzheimer's before she died. She wouldn't remember who I was or what she did yesterday, but get her talking about what she did during the war and she was away! It occurred to me that actually I knew so little about her life or the life of my parents, and there were so many interesting things to know. For example, my father was born in a Scottish castle, because my grandparents were stationed there during the second world war and it had been turned into a hospital. I asked my mother the other day how come I was fairly musical but neither of my parents could sing a note, and she told me that my grandfather had sung in the church choir and my grandmother used to accompany him on the piano. I never knew that. So, anyway, about four years ago we gave our parents a 'Grandparent Book' each. It has pages for them to fill in on details of their lives, what it was like growing up for them, where they lived and how they lived and so on. Every year we have to drop not-so-subtle hints that they should get on with it without implying that we think they're going to kick the bucket any time soon. I'm really looking forward to reading them.

So those are just a few ideas I've had so far. There are many, many other things you can do to record family memories.

Qu: What are some of the ideas that you've had?

Abide in Him!

Linking up here:

How to be Perfect!

OK, a quick disclaimer before you think I have an ego the size of South America - yes, I know I'm not perfect in the ordinary sense of the word. But it struck me the other day that when God sees me, he sees me as perfect. What do I mean? Let me try to explain...

Falling Short

Inspired by constant, repeat viewings of 'Narnia', my eldest daughter has been bugging me to buy her an archery set for quite a while. I finally came across one here in England, and she's been enjoying pretending to be Queen Susan in our back garden.

It was then that I had one of those sudden 'light bulb' moments. You know the ones... something finally clicks in your mind and you wonder why on earth you'd never thought of that before, it seems so obvious. In fact, probably the majority of you reading this post will no doubt in a moment be rolling your eyes and sighing 'Of course, Catherine, didn't you know that?'. But bear with me please....

In Romans 3 v 23 Paul says that we all "fall short" of God's standards. I don't know why, but for some reason I always pictured a ladder, with me on the ladder and not quite making it to the top...yet. In my mind, therefore, I just had to keep trying... keep climbing...try not to slip down too many rungs.... and perhaps one day, yes one day, I would finally climb to that top rung and get a big pat on the back from God. 

But that's not the picture at all!

There is no way that any of us will ever get to the top of that ladder. The Bible says that "None is righteous, no, not one.." (Romans 3v10)

Instead, God helped me to see the picture of the archery target. Now, there is some debate whether this is what St Paul had in mind when he wrote that we have all 'fallen short', but it seems to me to be a much better illustration. We're all shooting arrows. Sometimes the arrows fall quite near the target. Sometimes the arrows fall a long way away. But the point is that they always miss, they always fall short. And there is nothing we can do, no amount of target practice, to get our arrows to hit the bulls eye.

The most common word in the New Testament for sin is 'hamartia', which literally means 'to miss the mark', and therefore to lose and not win the prize in the archery competetion.

However, there is one person who did hit the target....and no it wasn't Robin Hood! It was Jesus, God in human form. Jesus never sinned. His life was complete, beautiful obedience to God the Father.

The Amazing, Humbling Beauty of God's Grace

Now, here's the amazing bit. Jesus came to die so that we could claim that we had shot that arrow that hit the target and not him! And he would take responsibility for all of those arrows that had fallen short and missed the mark.

Yes, if we have put our faith in Jesus, then when God sees us He doesn't see our sins and shortcomings but instead the perfect righteousness of Christ (Hebrews 10v14, 2 Corinthians 5v21). We've won the archery competition! There is a crown waiting for us in Heaven!

Being Released from Perfectionism

In my 'light bulb' moment I suddenly realised that God already sees me as perfect. Of course He knows how I regularly fail and mess up this side of heaven, but my eternal destiny is sealed - I have already won the prize. And knowing that God already sees me as perfect meant that a huge burden suddenly slipped off my shoulders. I don't have to keep trying to be perfect! I don't have to strive towards perfection! All God is asking of me is to love and obey Him. He doesn't mind if my kitchen floor is a mess, or if I haven't ticked all the homeschooling boxes today. 

How to be Perfect

Have you spent the day loving God and loving other people to your best ability today? Well, then, it's been a great day and God is smiling at you! In fact He is singing over you (Zephaniah 3v17). In His eyes, you're perfect!

Abide in Him!

Linking up at: Beholding Glory, Time-Warp Wife and Women Living Well

Ten Tips For Coping While Hubbie's Away

My wonderful husband recently had to go overseas for a nine-day training workshop. Thankfully I had some help during that time - a friend came to stay for two nights and then my mother came for the remainder. However, despite having some extra pairs of hands to help with washing up and to entertain Sophie, Charis and Nathaniel while I was in the shower or needing to pop out for groceries, I still felt absolutely exhausted by the end of the nine days. I realised that it's not just the physical tiredness (taking on extra chores that my helpful husband usually does) but it's also the emotional tiredness of being the sole responsible parent for an extended period of time.

Afterwards, when I'd had some time to reflect on this and other times when I've been looking after the children on my own for several days at a time, I put together some tips for coping in these situations - partly for myself, but also in case they're useful for anyone else reading this post. So, here we go.....

1) Before your husband leaves, make sure you're stocked up on groceries and petrol for the time ahead, as much as possible. Have meal plans and a rough schedule prepared.

2) Enlist the children's help early on. Explain how Daddy being away means you'll have extra chores, and that you'll be needing their help and support over the next few days. Try to foster a team spirit - "We're all going to pitch in and help each other through this!"

3) Don't plan to do too much! I often fall into the trap of making great plans for things I will be doing while my husband's away. It's true that there is one less person around to feed and clean up after, and those first couple of evenings may seem like you have more time than usual on your hands, but it's not long before the tiredness kicks in. Pace yourself. This is a time to shorten your to-do list, not lengthen it.

4) Watch out for temptation! For some reason, not having my husband around to keep me accountable means that I soon fall into the trap of staying up too late watching mindless TV shows, or reaching for those comfort foods that I wouldn't normally consider part of my healthy eating plan. Before I know it, it's midnight, I have a half-finished box of chocolates in front of me, I wonder if I really needed to stay to the end of that not-very-good film that I've already seen before, actually, and I start to panic about being the only parent around to respond to the early morning calls of children beginning to wake up. Late nights eventually have a tendency to replace early morning Bible reading and prayer times, which are actually even more essential during this time.

5) Get more sleep! Not only do you need more sleep during this time, but it's tempting to actually get less sleep because of the above two points. Try to go to bed half an hour earlier than you usually would.

6) Simplify where possible. Don't be afraid to cook simpler meals, including ready-made meals. This is not the time to be worrying about the kids' nutritional needs! Haven't got time for your usual 30-minute workout? Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't have the energy to bath the kids as often, iron their clothes or clean the house quite so thoroughly? It really doesn't matter. And it's OK to put the kids in front of the TV for an extra hour than usual :-) Do what you need to do to survive.

7) Pray more! The one thing not to simplify or give up on is your reliance on God and His strength. You might not be able to have as long a quiet time in the morning, but see if you can pray more during the day as you're going along. You're going to need to rely on His help more than usual.

8) Try to get out of the house more. Stress levels can rise if cabin fever sets in. Getting out for some fresh air, whether it's to the local playground, or for a walk in the local park, or even just down to the local library or to have a play date with some friends, can really help lift your mood. It helps the time go faster, and also helps to wear out the kids, especially if they're able to run around. Tired kids means earlier bedtimes :-) It also helps you to get in some healthy adult conversation and interaction with other grown-ups, which may be somewhat lacking. However, keep it simple. This is not the time for long day trips which involve long car journeys, missed naps and ultimately results in cranky kids and one frustrated, grumpy mum.

9) Don't be afraid to ask for help! Don't try to be supermum. Accept offers of help from friends and grandparents, as long as it doesn't actually cause you more work in the long run. If someone is able to watch your kids for an hour or two while you can get out of the house on your own and recharge your batteries, then that can be really beneficial both for you and the kids.

10) Finally, prepare the kids for Daddy's return. This is something you can all look forward to! Make cards and welcome home posters, go and pick him up from the bus station or wait eagerly at the door for his return. Have some nice food or even homemade cakes waiting for him. Let your kids know how important Daddy is to you and the family. However, you might want to give him some time to recover from the trip before you hand him the nappy bag and walk out of the house on a bee-line to the nearest coffee shop :-)

Qu: Does your husband often need to go away for extended periods of time? What other tips do you have for coping while he's away?

Abide in Him!

Are you new to Grace to Abide? Keep updated with each new post via email, facebook or twitter.


Photo credits: Ducks: freedigitalphotos.net/EA, Monkeys: freedigitalphotos.net/Lavoview

Linking up here:

Finding Grace in the Interruptions - Part 2

Welcome back to my little series of Finding Grace in the Interruptions. I hope you found Part 1 helpful. There, I looked at how God often sends things our way that we might be tempted to label 'interruptions' or 'hindrances' to our plans, but are actually His way of getting our attention or teaching us something valuable.

However, sometimes these 'frustrations' might actually be more of our own doing than an 'opportunity' sent by God. What do I mean? Well, perhaps us feeling annoyed and irritated is actually a sign that either we have our priorities wrong or we have overstretched ourselves.

1) Wrong priorities

I'm sure you're familiar with the scene: you've just set your toddler down with a box of legos, and your preschooler seems happily engaged with her dolls. "Great!", you think, "I'll just check my emails." Ten minutes later you're in the middle of reading the latest blog entry on one of your favourite websites when the toddler and preschooler start fighting, or the preschooler needs to be taken to the toilet, or the toddler wants you to help him build a tall tower of blocks. "I'll be there in a minute!" you promise. A minute goes by. More whining. "Hold on,  Mummy's just reading something important...." Then it strikes you. Actually, to be honest, what you're reading is not that important, and certainly nothing that couldn't wait until your kids are tucked up in bed that evening. Your life suddenly flashes before your eyes, and you see yourself in an empty house, kids having flown the nest, regretting all those missed opportunities of building tower blocks of legos or rejoicing in milestones reached and skills mastered. I've been there so many times!

Now, sometimes our children might be interrupting something important, like the fact that we really do have to get dinner in the oven or finishing hanging up the laundry. In those situations it's good to pray for grace and patience. Perhaps this is an opportunity to teach our children how to help with household tasks, or perhaps we need to allow ourselves an extra half an hour to finish whatever it is we're doing. 

Something that helped me was to remind myself that God is in control. He knows I need to get the dinner in the oven, or provide the family with clean clothes. Living in a culture that values people over time has also helped. I know that He will help me accomplish all the things I need to accomplish without me having to sin by shouting at or being impatient with my children.

"By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life.." 2 Peter 1v3

However, I've come to realise that a lot of the time it's just me being selfish with my 'me-time'. When I decided that I wouldn't open my computer during the hours that my children were awake unless it was for homeschool purposes, or to check something quickly that my husband wanted me to do, then suddenly I became a much more patient and purposeful Mummy. The same goes for phone calls and texts. I don't want my children to grow up thinking that my computer is more important than they are!

2) Over-committing

Sometimes we might have our priorities right, like we know that it would be really good to help our six-year-old with her art project right now, or we'd love to chat through with our friend who's just popped round about the struggles she's having with her marriage, but we don't have the time because we need to be off to X, Y or Z.  Or maybe we find that most of our daily annoyances come from lost shoes or last minute toilet trips as we're desperately trying to usher the kids out of the door and into the car. In that case it might be time to look at whether we've overcommitted ourselves.

Do we really need to have volunteered to help run the children's group at church? Do we really have time to go to this Bible study? Does our child really need to go to three sports practices each week? All of these are good things, but perhaps they're not God's best for us at the moment.

I still feel a wound in my own heart from the time, almost 20 years ago now, when I desperately wanted to talk to a friend about my parents' recent divorce, but she was too busy. Now, she didn't know what I wanted to talk about, and she was busy with important, church-related things, but I still to this day feel that she let me down. I would hate to think that I would in turn do that to someone else without realising it.

Filling our lives up with busyness, even good, 'Christian' busyness, is not always God's best for us. How can we be a light and blessing to others if we don't have a little space in our day to allow for these kinds of heaven-sent 'interruptions'?

"Martha, Martha, the Lord answered, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10 v 41,42

For the third and final part to this mini-series I'll be looking at one other caveat, where perhaps the interruptions we're facing have a different agenda behind them. You can find it here.

Q: Have you had a time when you realised you had your priorities wrong? How did God speak to you about it?

Q: Have you been in a situation where you felt God was directing you to drop some of your other commitments and focus on being at home?

As always, I would love to read your comments, so don't be shy!

Abide in Him!

Photo Credits: freedigitalphotos.net. Girl with toys: Tratong, Woman at computer: Stuart Miles, Mother and Son: Ambro, Coffee: Stuart Miles

Linking up here:

  

Finding Balance in the Christmas Season

The Christmas season is upon us! It took me a bit by surprise, with the first Sunday of Advent starting in November, but tonight I sat down and did some planning and am hoping that it'll be a fun and meaningful time for all of us.

Lots of the blogs I follow have already written about resources and tips for the festive season. Sometimes when I read them I do get a bit discouraged by how much time, energy and creativity everyone else must have apart from me. Then I remembered a verse from my Abiding Fruit Bible study that I'm doing this week with the Maximise Your Mornings challenge:

" Each of you should test your own actions. Then you can take pride in yourself, without comparing yourself to somebody else, for each of you should carry your own load." Galatians 6 v 4,5

It's hard not to compare yourselves with others, but everyone's situation is different, and everyone's stress tolerance levels are different. Here are some things to think about:

Stage of life: Perhaps some of us have very small children still, and a lot of energy is sapped in changing nappies or potty training or feeding or just mopping up messes and soothing grazed knees.
Situation: If you're like me, then you live in a foreign country far away from family. Often that means that just living daily life is more challenging and time consuming. Meals have to be made from scratch, craft materials are hard to come by, Grandma is not around the corner to help with the kids while you go shopping.
Character: Some of us are more energetic and social than others. I know for myself that, although I'd love to entertain more regularly, having guests round more than once every two weeks makes me exhausted and throws me off my schedule.
Health: Perhaps some of us have some health issues that drain our energy and make us want to retreat and sleep more.

The verses from Galatians encouraged me to stop looking at (and envying) other homeschooling mothers and just work out a happy balance in my own life that I can cope with. When the children are older hopefully we can do more things, but right now I'm in a season of life where I have to protect my energy levels.

So what are we doing for the advent season this year?
1) Advent calendars - we can't buy these here, but some friends in Germany sent us one each for the children. They love opening the doors and counting down the days.

Candle Ornaments from Truth in the Tinsel

2) Christmas crafts - I bought the amazing ebook Truth in the Tinsel, and am hoping to work my way through most of these daily projects with the children. Here's our first one from today:
3) Advent candles - we have an advent wreath, and each Sunday we light the next candle and Dh reads a relevant passage from the Bible and we talk about some aspect of Christmas.
4) Carols and mulled wine - I'm sad that we can't buy mince pies or mincemeat here, but I did bring some mulled wine sachets back from England for our now annual Carols and mulled wine evening. Some time this month we'll invite several expat families round and enjoy fellowship together whilst singing Christmas carols at the piano and taking turns to read Christmas-related Bible passages.
5) Festive spirit - the children are looking forward to helping me decorate the house this weekend, and yesterday I put on a CD of Christmas children's music and we all danced around the room.

I hope you all have a fun and meaningful advent season in your homes this year :-)