Miscarriage and and the Miracle of Life

It had happened again. In fact, it was the third time in four years that the same woman, performing the ultrasound at the gynaecological clinic, had turned towards me, shaken her head, and told me that our baby was dead; that there was no heartbeat. Not allowing the tears to fall, not yet, my husband and I edged our way through the queue of other pregnant women, all in various stages of swolleness, waiting outside. This baby would never swell my belly in that way any more, not now. It wasn't to be.

Practical matters to attend to pushed aside the desire to dwell on our sorrow. We needed to act fast. Unlike last time, when we were taken by surprise by the bleeding, we had a few days before anything would happen. We collected the children from their friends and greeted them without the happy smile they were expecting. Another sibling in heaven now. That makes three, waiting for them up there. It wasn't to be. God had other plans.

Wonderful husband spent the afternoon on the phone; phoning friends for advice, clinics, the insurance company, the airlines.... I spent the afternoon cleaning. I had to keep busy, and we would be having friends to stay in our house to look after our kids while we were away. I had to do something. Anything but wallow. I wasn't ready for the tears yet.

The next day we flew to Moscow, the two of us. Was it wrong to enjoy being on a plane without children for the first time in a long while? We made our way on the metro to the apartment of some gracious friends. The next three days were spent visiting the western clinic. We marvelled at the difference in the standard of care compared to last time. There was sadness, yes, but there would be no trauma. It would be straightforward and trustworthy. We even got a little picture of our baby, something the clinic in our home town had assumed we wouldn't want. A general anaesthetic and my baby and I had been parted, for now. There was no fault, no blame, just 'one of those things', 'something to be expected at your age'.

We said goodbye, physically, to our baby on February 4th, exactly 7 months before its 'due date'. Since then we've had a chance to reflect, to grieve, to pray, to question and to be comforted. Here are some of the lessons I've learned from this experience, and I wanted to share them with you:

1) Life is Hard
It's a cliche, but it's true. As Christians we can't escape the sadness and the hurt that there is in our fallen world. God never promises that life will be easy. I've heard it said many times that He is interested not in our happiness but in our holiness, and it's often through the painful experiences of life that we grow most in our faith. He shields us from many things, and only in heaven will we realise exactly how many, but, in His infinite wisdom, He chooses not to shield us from all that is wrong with the world.

2) Life is in God's Hands
How comforting to know that God is in control! Even when we don't understand why He has allowed something to happen, we can trust Him that He had some higher good in mind. We may never know this side of heaven what that higher good was, but we can trust our lives into His hands. Yes He is sovereign and all-powerful, but He is also good, and He loves us. Sometimes He wants us to pray for miracles, because He is a miracle-worker, and times like this shouldn't stop us from continuing to pray for those miracles, but when those miracles don't come we don't have to look around for someone to blame. We can trust Him that He knows what He's doing. Even in the midst of a painful experience we can see how God is in control. My husband and I will always be thankful that we took the ultrasound when we did, and not when we'd wanted to a week or two earlier. In making sure that the clinic was all booked up until February 1st, God allowed us time to find out the sad news long before the bleeding would start and I would have to be rushed to the local hospital in an ambulance, like last time. He was also in control when he cleared our friends' schedule in Moscow for that very weekend, giving us a safe haven in which to receive prayer and comfort during those few days.

3) Life is Shared
God created us for community. The church is the body of Christ, and if one member is hurting then all the members feel it. God ministers to us through others coming alongside with words of comfort, with prayers and with offers of practical help. How wonderful to see the body of Christ rallying round. How thankful we are for our sisters and brothers who willingly share our pain. We certainly experienced a lot of love and care during that week. Perhaps the most comfort is received from those who have also gone through similar, painful experiences. The Bible says that we can comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received, and just as those people have ministered to me in a special way, I know that one day I will be stronger and better-placed to comfort another who may be grieving in a similar way.

4) Life is Precious
Finally, if there's one thing you come away with after having a miscarriage, it's that life is precious. It's a miracle. It should never be taken for granted. Just a few days later I heard that a close friend had lost her baby in the second trimester....again..., and that a friend of a friend had had a still birth. How fortunate I am to have three, beautiful, healthy children already! Every day we need to thank God for the children we already have; every day we should appreciate them and appreciate the wonder that they bring to our lives. We don't know how many days are numbered for us or our children. It may be a few weeks, a few months or many long years. For this baby its days were already numbered at eight weeks old pre-term. Let's enjoy and be thankful for each day of life that God gives us. Life is precious, so precious.

Abide in Him!



Photo credits: freedigitalphotos.net/ worradmu - sad woman, Victor Habbick - decaying rose

Blog at Home Mom - Book Review

When Christin Slade asked if anyone would like a free copy of her new ebook Blog at Home Mom: Balancing Blogging and Motherhoodin return for reviewing it on their blog, I jumped at the chance. Not only because it was a subject that really interested me, but also because I know Christin a little already from her blog Joyful Mothering, and I love her writing. I know that she has lots of experience and wisdom to offer.

Her new ebook didn't disappoint. She writes in her introduction: "Pursuing our passions doesn’t mean you sacrifice less as a wife or mother, it simply means you focus more on all the different facets."

In the ensuing chapters she covers topics such as setting goals and having a plan, organising your days, prioritising, and how to avoid sloppy days. And these aren't just ways to organise your writing and blogging. In each chapter Christin discusses how to set goals for your blog and for your children; how to organise your blogging schedule and how to organise your children's time. Throughout the book she weaves a careful balance between our responsibilities to our families and our homes and our desire to spend time on our computers developing our calling and gifting as writers. The final two chapters focus on caring for your marriage and caring for your spiritual walk, which are so important if we want to live a happy, balanced, intentional life.

Christin is well-connected in the blogging world, and I love that each chapter ends with some words of wisdom and insight from fellow bloggers on each topic.

If you're a Blog at Home Mom then I encourage you to buy this book, and as a bonus, all the profits from sales of the book go towards the Slade's Adoption Fund, as they try to raise $2500 to bring their two daughters home from Ghana.

Abide in Him!

Disclaimer: this post contains affiliate links

Charlotte Mason Blog Carnival

It's my privilege to be hosting the latest Charlotte Mason Blog Carnival. Many thanks to all those who sent in contributions. I enjoyed reading them all and hope you all will too.

The topic for this particular round of the Carnival was Born Persons / Nature of a Child, reading from Chapters 2 and 3 in Volume 6 of Charlotte Mason's Original Homeschooling Series, and many of the posts submitted were based around this theme.




First up we have Mama Squirrel at Dewey's Treehouse. Taking a comprehensive look at Charlotte's comments about Intellect, Imagination, Reason, Beauty and our children's natural intellectual desires, Mama Squirrel asks the question: "How do our children's schools, home schools, Sunday Schools, or other learning situations provide for a healthy balance of these mental servants and desires?"




Then we have Brandy at Afterthoughts
Brandy applies Charlotte Mason's emphasis on Atmosphere, Habit and Life to problems she is encountering in their daily Circle Time. This admission made me laugh: "Recently, my seven-year-old daughter kindly taught my four-year-old son how to fake burp. He has decided that Circle Time is the best time to practice his new talent. No matter how funny you do or do not think this is, I'm sure you can understand that it is emphatically not funny the five thousandth time, and during prayer at that!"



Nebby, over at Letters From Nebby, comments on two differing views of children prevalent in Charlotte Mason's day and takes it a step further, asking if our generation is guilty of 'micromanaging' our children's learning. She astutely observes:

It is as if we have said, “Children are naturally programmed to learn so much before age 3! Let’s maximize that by giving them this and that!” And we have forgotten that children are naturally programmed to learn and that they do the work; we need only provide the most basic food for their minds. 

Silvia writes a beautiful post about falling short of your ideal of the perfect homeschool. I love this quote from Silvia in her post: " there can be too much of focusing on the grass less greener in my side of the fence, at the risk of missing the beautiful flowers that are blooming in a shady corner."




Barb has lots of wisdom to offer us over at Harmony Fine Arts.  
She quotes Charlotte Mason:  "It has been proved that the joy of knowledge itself is enough to carry a child successfully and happily through all twelve years of school.”

Barb testifies to the wisdom of this saying of Charlotte's and invites us to look at three of her posts which expand on this theme of feeding children's minds with living books.



Nancy, writing over at Sage Parnassus, has offered us two posts. In the first, she gives eight lovely suggestions of books to read for the Lent and Easter season - which will soon be upon us as Easter is early this year.

In her second post, Nancy reflects on Charlotte Mason's comments that the authority we have as parents should be 'present but not in evidence', like the foundations of a house, and that it is both a gift and a grace





Lanaya over at Delightful Education completes her three-part series on her family's experience with pottery. If you're looking for some inspiration for what to do in handicrafts then head on over here - it's really interesting to read about the whole process from start to finish.

Still on the theme of handicrafts, Patti, writing at School Days Scrapbook, believes that drawing and painting are learnable skills, a bit like learning to ride a bike, and that it's worth persevering, even if you think you're 'artistically challenged'.


   Another Patti shares some thoughts on Mary Cassatt, Chopin and William Wordsworth at All Things Bright and Beautiful, as she is thinking about spending more time on Artist, Composer and Poetry study in their homeschool.





Amy, writing at Crossing the Brandywine, makes her debut at the Charlotte Mason Blog Carnival with a very thoughtful and insightful post about 'Why "Focusing on the 3 R's" is Not the Best Approach'. She talks about what to do when you have a struggling reader, and I love what she says here:

You can't stay in emergency mode for long: it ignores the beauty of life.

Christine from Zing Day has an amazing opportunity to visit her State Capitol building with her kids and stand up and speak for the rights of homeschoolers. Read about her experience and see her photos here.


Amy, our honourable carnival hostess, puts forward some of her reflections on Chapter 2, asking "How can you test the mind?" You can read her full post here at Fisher Academy International.



Tammy, from Aut-2B-Home in Carolina, addresses a feeling that we all have: being pressed for time! Her solution? Restore your sense of awe. Read more about what she suggests here.


And last but by no means least, Carol from journey-and-destination reviews two of her favourite read-aloud books with her boys that were not only exciting adventure stories but also encouraged the family to delve further into the geography and history depicted in the books.


Well, I hope you all enjoyed this week's carnival! The next Charlotte Mason Blog Carnival will be held on February 19th over at Delightful Education and the theme will be 'Proper Use of Authority', continuing with our reading in Charlotte's Volume 6, this time looking at Chapter 4, which you can read here. For more information in general about the Blog Carnival go here.

Abide in Him!