Learning to Say No to Myself

There are only ten days left until Christmas! The tree is up and decorated, we made our first batch of mince pies this afternoon, and Nathaniel has already eaten all of the chocolates in his advent calendar.

Flashback to last year. We had just moved....again!.....temporarily....and were simultaneously enjoying our friend's wood burner stove and anxiously making sure that the kids didn't fall into it in their excitement as they performed somersaults on the unusually large leather sofas.

That Christmas, our first back in the UK for 10 years, proved to be rather stressful, for various reasons, and Hubbie and I were determined to make some changes for 2014.

I wonder if anyone's like me. We hear talks or podcasts about 'Learning to Say No', and we nod along, agreeing with the sentiment that already-overstretched-mothers like ourselves need to be firm in not consenting to take on the role of PTA treasurer, or agreeing to host the next bake sale, or whatever it might be that others ask us to do that, to be honest, we know will turn us into 'angry-stressed-mummy' for the days leading up to the event, to the detriment of our quivering, 'quick-get-out-of-her-way' families. But then this year, since no one is really asking me to do anything extra, I feel I can tick this 'Learning to say no' business off my list. Check!

So then, why was I so stressed come the end of November? After a chat with my husband I realised it was because  

It wasn't just about saying no to other people, I had to say no to myself too!

You see, I'd placed all these unrealistic burdens on myself, thinking that they were essential to my Christmas to-do list, when really they weren't. I had already posted off three parcels to missionary friends overseas and filled two shoeboxes for Operation Christmas Child with my children (which stupidly involved turning up at the supermarket with all four children in tow on Black Friday morning, blissfully unaware that that particular phenomenon had hit the UK - I mean, why??? We don't even celebrate Thanksgiving!) and I was already burnt out. 

Yes, these are all lovely, thoughtful things to do at Christmas, but I had never really examined them to see if I needed to say 'no' to any of them. 

The next thing on my to-do list? Christmas cards. With a new-found sense of freedom in my heart, I cut down my list to an absolute bare minimum. People would understand why they didn't get a Christmas card from us this year, it would be OK. Next year, hopefully, I could add them all back onto the list, but for now, for the sake of my sanity and my family's well-being I needed to say no....

...to myself...

....to my perfectionistic self which says that I need to send all these Christmas cards out every single year or people will be offended...

....to my perfectionistic self which says that I need to complete this particular Christmas craft activity series with my kids otherwise their Christmas won't be complete and meaningful...

....to my perfectionistic self which says that I need to rush out and buy more Christmas decorations for our new house, instead of making do with just the basics this year.

So here's to a stress-free Christmas season! Merry Christmas!

Oh, and if you were on my Christmas card list....um....er.....sorry about that. I think the postman's dog ate your card....ahem.

Abide in Him!


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Back on the Homeschooling Wagon

I love this photo of a mother bird sheltering her chicks under her wing. She has a rather fierce, defiant look about her, don't you think? Like she's saying "Don't you dare snatch these little ones away from me, I'm taking care of them!" I guess I feel a little like this as September 1st approaches, and with it our return to Home Education after a year's leave of absence.

Not that we had a bad experience of mainstream school. On the contrary, it was with a great deal of heart-wrestling that I mailed that fateful letter declining our school places for the next academic year. "Am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy - I've got a newborn baby who's still not sleeping through the night! Am I dragging my kids away from all their friends only to isolate them and make it ten times harder for them to make any new ones? What about all the positive aspects of mainstream school that they're going to be missing out on, like sports days, choirs, school trips and plays? And what on earth am I going to do about their exams when they're 16, if we get that far? Am I ruining their chances to get into a good university if that's what they want to do?

......and so on and so on.......

Perhaps some of you have been there too. It was interesting; it was so much more difficult to pull them out of school than if we'd never put them into school in the first place. I think if we were still in Russia and still happily homeschooling, because that was really the only viable option and we loved it, I'd have great peace in my heart instead of this terror and panic that I have now, along with this huge (self-imposed) pressure to prove to doubting family and friends that I can do this.

I guess I've caught a glimpse of what life could be like. With just one little baby at home I'd be free to go on playdates...and sit in coffee shops...and read books...and workout.. and finish those two books that I started ages ago. And my house would be so clean and tidy!

But somewhere deep down I know that that is not God's calling for my life at this moment in time. We're a homeschooling family at heart - it's what we're supposed to do, for this particular season at least. And somewhere deep down it just feels right. Hard, yes, but right.

And to be honest, if I look deep down I also find a sense of freedom and relief. No more shouting at the kids to get them out of the house on time in the mornings. No more packed lunches, reply slips, crazy 'dress up days' where I'm given one week's notice to find them a World War 2 Evacuee's outfit or to whip up an ancient Egyptian's costume on my sewing machine.

Most importantly of all, no more wondering what my kids are doing, what they're thinking, what they're being told about life, the world and their place in it. No more worrying that I'm losing their hearts and losing my connection with them because they're spending more time away from me than they are with me.

So yes, I'm firmly gripping my little chicks under my wings (all four of them) and heading out into this new school year with trepidation and fear but also with determination and excitement. What will be the key to our success? Having my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus, placing all my hope in Him and trusting that He will provide me with the resources I need to do this job He's called me to and to do it well.

Abide in Him!

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Life Amongst the Mess and Chaos

Things have been a bit quiet on Grace to Abide this year. After a brief burst of enthusiasm around Christmas, life just continued to be too demanding and messy for me to get my creative juices flowing again and find the time to keep up with my blog.

What's been going on for us this year? Well, at the start of April this happened:

Then just two days later, this happened:

Yes, after months of chasing after mortgages (which never materialised), getting finances together and viewing over 20 properties with a bored pre-schooler in tow, we finally found our future home. It's a perfect fit for our family, and such a clear answer to prayer in many ways - ticking so many boxes. We feel very blessed and I can't wait to move in and finally unpack those bags which....yes really...have been sitting there for over a whole year. Not to mention the bags that have been stored in other people's attics for over ten years!


Of course, just to make things even more stressful, we decided to have a new baby at the exact same time.....crazy I know! After a couple of sad miscarriages in recent years, we were so happy to welcome baby Joy into our family - our fourth and, I've decided after experiencing a truly horrible pregnancy in which I was sick for the entire 9 months, definitely (hopefully) our last! We are so grateful to God for this beautiful, healthy baby girl, and are loving being a family of six.

And so now, I'm living in the crazy interim period of choosing paint colours, carpets, furniture and appliances for our new house whilst at the same time caring for a newborn and trying to keep my other three kids fed, dressed and arriving at school with all the necessary equipment on next-to-no sleep. We're still in our temporary, rented accommodation while Hubbie is overseeing the necessary remodelling which needs to be done on the new house, but we hope to be able to move in about three weeks' time (fingers crossed, touch wood, and all other manner of superstitious mumbo-jumbo).

So as I look back over this last, rather difficult year, I can see God teaching me lessons of patience and contentment in less-than-ideal circumstances. Perhaps the biggest lesson for this control-loving, home proud perfectionist has been to learn to live surrounded by boxes, piles of 'stuff', and the general clutter that comes from living in a house that is not your own but which already has loads of clutter from previous occupants. I hope I've become more 'chilled' and laid-back as a result, but that doesn't stop me dreaming of perfectly aligned mason jars on my kitchen shelves and IKEA storage units.


Abide in Him!

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