I love this photo of a mother bird sheltering her chicks under her wing. She has a rather fierce, defiant look about her, don't you think? Like she's saying "Don't you dare snatch these little ones away from me, I'm taking care of them!" I guess I feel a little like this as September 1st approaches, and with it our return to Home Education after a year's leave of absence.
Not that we had a bad experience of mainstream school. On the contrary, it was with a great deal of heart-wrestling that I mailed that fateful letter declining our school places for the next academic year. "Am I doing the right thing? Am I crazy - I've got a newborn baby who's still not sleeping through the night! Am I dragging my kids away from all their friends only to isolate them and make it ten times harder for them to make any new ones? What about all the positive aspects of mainstream school that they're going to be missing out on, like sports days, choirs, school trips and plays? And what on earth am I going to do about their exams when they're 16, if we get that far? Am I ruining their chances to get into a good university if that's what they want to do?
......and so on and so on.......
Perhaps some of you have been there too. It was interesting; it was so much more difficult to pull them out of school than if we'd never put them into school in the first place. I think if we were still in Russia and still happily homeschooling, because that was really the only viable option and we loved it, I'd have great peace in my heart instead of this terror and panic that I have now, along with this huge (self-imposed) pressure to prove to doubting family and friends that I can do this.
I guess I've caught a glimpse of what life could be like. With just one little baby at home I'd be free to go on playdates...and sit in coffee shops...and read books...and workout.. and finish those two books that I started ages ago. And my house would be so clean and tidy!
But somewhere deep down I know that that is not God's calling for my life at this moment in time. We're a homeschooling family at heart - it's what we're supposed to do, for this particular season at least. And somewhere deep down it just feels right. Hard, yes, but right.
And to be honest, if I look deep down I also find a sense of freedom and relief. No more shouting at the kids to get them out of the house on time in the mornings. No more packed lunches, reply slips, crazy 'dress up days' where I'm given one week's notice to find them a World War 2 Evacuee's outfit or to whip up an ancient Egyptian's costume on my sewing machine.
Most importantly of all, no more wondering what my kids are doing, what they're thinking, what they're being told about life, the world and their place in it. No more worrying that I'm losing their hearts and losing my connection with them because they're spending more time away from me than they are with me.
So yes, I'm firmly gripping my little chicks under my wings (all four of them) and heading out into this new school year with trepidation and fear but also with determination and excitement. What will be the key to our success? Having my eyes firmly fixed on Jesus, placing all my hope in Him and trusting that He will provide me with the resources I need to do this job He's called me to and to do it well.
Abide in Him!
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